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Distant/unconnected/cut off pastor/church
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In the world but not of it
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Not in the world nor of it
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Does what the group wants
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Does things their way only
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Focus power
on equipping others
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Focus power
on controlling
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Sympathetic savior to fix it
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No freedom from family of origin
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Freedom from family of origin
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Pseudo freedom from family of origin
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Seek to live out the expectations of others with a weak
unclear identity.
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Seeks to live out of a focused calling with a clear identity
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Impose expectations on others to
prop up a pseudo identity
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Power used to build up others
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Power used to build up self
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Weak doctrinal boundaries for the mind
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Healthy doctrinal boundaries for the mind.
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Rigid doctrinal boundaries for the mind
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Weak relational boundaries for the heart
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Healthy relational boundaries for the heart.
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Rigid relational boundaries for the heart
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Weak spiritual boundaries for the soul.
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Healthy spiritual boundaries for the soul.
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Rigid spiritual boundaries for the soul.
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Weak behavioral boundaries for the body
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Healthy behavioral boundaries for the body.
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Rigid behavioral boundaries
for the body.
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Mission oriented and transformational
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Exclusive/fortress mentality.
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Healthy morality, biblical, grace-based
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Moralistic & legalistic. law, shame, condemnation.
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Pseudo Sexual integrity and Sexual abuse
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Pastor/church fused with weak or no emotional boundaries
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Pastor/church interdependent with healthy emotional
boundaries.
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Pastor/Church with rigid emotional boundaries.
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Enmeshed/fused with the feelings of others and controlled
by the anxiety of others
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In contact with their own feelings and those
of others, but not controlled by them.
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Out of touch with their feelings and the feelings
of others. Attempt to control the feelings of others.
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Easily infected by the anxiety of others
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Not easily infected by other’s anxiety.
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Infect others with their anxiety.
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Always changing (chameleon)
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They have a healthy ability to adapt to change while
maintaining identity.
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They don’t change but force others to
change.
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Triangulated relationships |
Freedom from triangulation
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Need to feel safe by staying fused
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The Need to Feel Safe is met by healthy well balanced relationships
and separatedness.
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The Need to Feel Safe is met by playing a role, keeping others
at a distance, and being a control freek.
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Self's deepest need for community & sense of self
finds a pseudo solution in fusion with others.
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Self's deepest need for community & a sense
of self is met in relationship with God
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Self's deepest need for community & a sense
of self is met by claiming they are special and thus can live as if they are an island.
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Authority is unknown apart from the group
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Authority is internal but is affirmed externally
by others.
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Authority is external for it is bolstered by
a position and not the character of the person.
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Respect is unknown apart from the group
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Respect is both shared and earned.
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Respect is demanded using Scripture alone.
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Very anxious to keep the peace at all costs
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Serene, at peace with themselves and the world
around them. Lives in and operates from the peace of God which passes all understanding for it guards their heart and mind.
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Very anxious to maintain control of others
for control equals peace with the appearance of peace and Slick professionalism.
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Lacks the ability to focus
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Pastor and healthy leaders are able to focus
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Overly focused tunnel vision
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Pastor or church feel used
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Out of control chaos and conflict
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Anxiety/chaos does not control
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Very anxious control of chaos
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